Aloha Beth, You always “set the house on fire” with your spirited and thought provoking presentations. Thank you for speaking to the ARMA Hawaii Chapter. I hope I’m able to get you a gig speaking to Access in Phoenix… Take care and keep in touch!...
What’s the Real Reason You’re Upset?
It’s not what you think
She was really irritated. Everyone was telling her what to do about her cold. I listened to her rant about it for awhile, then asked her, “What’s this really about?” She stopped and looked at me like my dog does when I’m talking to him. “What do you mean, ‘what’s this really about?'”
“I don’t think you’re upset for the reasons you think you are. I think there’s a back story here. What’s the real reason?”
She laughed for the first time, “Yeah. How come all these people care more about my health than my husband does? I mean, I’ve been sick for days and he hasn’t even offered to make me soup! And here people in the store want to bring me soup from home!!!”
“Ah. That makes sense. Did you tell him?”
“Tell him?! He should just know!“
“Nah. He can’t read your mind. He’s a guy. You’re upset because he can’t read your mind. You should be happy that he can’t read your mind, especially since you’re so angry right now. That’s a scary proposition for a man. Maybe you haven’t clicked on the ‘help me’ button in his brain yet. You know all of us need to be taught to understand our Beloveds. You haven’t been married that long. It takes years to figure this stuff out. Teach him. Don’t be mad at him!”
“Try this: ‘Honey, when I feel like this I really need to feel protected and taken care of. Would you please make me some soup or that cool ginger/lemon/honey drink you made last time? Thank you. Love you!’ ~ You know, it always helps to be appreciative and not demanding. Let him know what you need … and then when he’s sick, show him how to take care of someone you love. What goes around..
What’s the real reason for your upset? Have you assigned reasons without thinking it through? How can you solve this if you don’t know what it’s really about? No one else can read your mind. Once you understand where the pain is coming from, you might be able to communicate what you need to the other person, or at the very least do something to fix the situation.
I wasn’t always this smart about how our brains work. I was having a rough day many years ago when a friend slipped me a little book called, “Love is Letting Go of Fear.” It was a life changer. Highly recommend it. OH! I’m upset and I’m picking the first thing that comes into my little brain to explain it! Maybe it’s a chemical reaction to food, maybe I just have a headache, maybe I said something that confused the other person and they are acting on their best guess! Hey! Maybe I should check with them!
Life’s hard enough without jumping to conclusions about what other people are or are not thinking. Work on this little gem and your life will get easier. Promise.